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Monday, July 30, 2012

The Monster Under My Bed.

Like many artistic-minded people, I have ADHD. I don't currently take medication for this, although I probably should be, by the bucketful, because sometimes it is just exhausting to be me. My brain doesn't ever seem to shut down, not even for a minute. For those of you who don't understand, let me try and explain. It is very much like some outside force has a giant remote control that is constantly changing channels in my head. I could be sitting in a classroom listening to a lecture and my brain would just switch channels and suddenly I'd be thinking, "If Wile E. Coyote had all this money for Acme products, why didn't he just order a pizza?"  This is probably the reason I have 100 college credit hours and no degree.

Because of this, I am also terribly disorganized. I am constantly losing money, keys, my car in the parking lot, and is probably the reason I found the telephone in the freezer the other day. Sleep is a literal nightmare. It doesn't matter how tired I am, as soon as I lay down, random thoughts creep into my head like the monster under the bed and take over. I find myself reliving conversations, making shopping lists, even creating story lines (which is not good, then I have to get up and write them down before the channel changes in my head; makes for great stories, but no sleep.)

Now, I have often wondered what a "normal' person's sleep is like. I dream...always. Vivid, clear, crazy dreams every night. Dreams that constantly change and evolve into even crazier dreams. Sometimes I wake up even more tired than when I went to bed. I just smile and nod when a friend starts a conversation with "I had a dream last night..."  Really?  A dream?  I can recall 6 from just one night alone. But, I don't say anything. It's best not to monopolize the conversation and scare the poor girl to death.

I have managed, somehow, to produce two published books. I did this by setting myself deadlines. Without deadlines I would have no less than 50 unfinished stories all jumbled together resembling something akin to the Unibomber's manifesto. I may procrastinate until the last minute, but, by golly, if the deadline is looming, I am writing like a mad woman. It works for me. I may have to poke the monster a few times to get him to go back under the bed, but it's worth it to see a project completed. Because having ADHD does not mean you can't....it means you just have to do things....oh, look at the kitty...

Um..what were we talking about???

5 comments:

  1. I have similar issues with sleep and dreams - and with my brain not wanting to stay focused or shut itself off! And you're right; it makes life exhausting. But I think it's also what helps us writers come up with stories, and I wouldn't trade that for 'normal'. :)

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    1. Agreed, LB. I adore my ADD brain. It takes a lot more self-control to focus, but I could never go from having worlds in my head to "I do declare, these biscuits aren't going to make themselves!"

      Great post, Donna.

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  2. You are exactly right. Normal is just a setting on the dryer!!!

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    1. Oh, so that what that is. I wondered why my shirts go in XL and come out SM. :-) Great post, Donna!

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  3. For one who had fear, you're very good at blogging. Thanks for sharing.

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