I love video games. Not just any old video games, but video games that make me THINK. I am especially fond of detective games that send me searching through haunted castles looking for clues in rooms full of hidden objects. I have been known to stare at my computer screen intently, searching for an elusive banana peel or the top half of a broken umbrella, (yes, these are the types of things they make you look for) and for what, you ask? Because, there is a mystery to be solved!
I recently played a game like this called The Mystery of The Briar Rose. If you didn't already know, Briar Rose is another name for The Sleeping Beauty. Immediately, I was intrigued. I love this story. My role, as detective, (hee hee..I'm a detective...cool!) is to search the castle and find the clues that will awaken the sleeping princess. Now, I know what you're thinking. The prince's kiss is supposed to awaken the princess, right??? Wrong. In this version, apparently the princes kiss broke the curse that caused the townspeople to fall asleep but the poor princess still lies sleeping in the castle somewhere.
The very opening scene of this game almost made me doubt my intelligence. I came upon two statues. Fairy Godmothers I am told, except for one of the fairies doesn't have a head. Apparently, having a head is crucial...who knew?? So, off I go in search of the head of the Sleeping Beauty's fairy godmother. I'm in good shape, I've got a fresh pot of coffee and some snacks for energy.
10:00 p.m. 2 hours and 1/2 a pot of coffee later, I still have not found the head of the fabled fairy godmother, I have, however, found a knife, a lantern and half of a sun disc that I have no idea what to do with. More coffee..onward and upward.
Midnight: I have been at this for four hours. I'm out of coffee and haven't found this stupid head. I have found a well, and I suspect that the fairy's head has been tossed down there. But I have no bucket. I need a bucket. Where the hell am I going to find a bucket? I have now woke the dog up by yelling at the screen and he is pissed. Oh, well...off I go to find a frigging bucket.
1:30 a.m. I have found said bucket and traipsed it all the way through the castle and out to the courtyard to the well..apparently, you can't use the bucket in the well without a rope. Are you freaking serious? If I could, I would throw the bucket down the well and hope that bitch's head shatters into a million friggin' pieces. After 5 1/2 hours I am invested and I am determined to find this lazy princess and wake her ass up...if I'm not sleeping, neither is she.
3:00 a.m. I have an hour before my husband gets up for work and finds out I have been up all night playing a game. I have found the rope and just as I suspected, the fairy godmother's head is down in the well. (I suspect it was thrown there by the last person to play this game.) I traipse this head back out of the courtyard, through the creepy cemetery and all the way back to the beginning of the game to give it back to the rightful owner. A little drawer appears which holds the 2nd half of the sun disc. Really?? That's all I get??? The second part of a stupid disc that I have no idea what to do with. Do I give up?? No. Wanna know why? Because I am brainless...that's why. Back into the castle I go to shove this disc somewhere....anywhere.
4:00 a.m. I have finally found the princess and the use of the sun disc. I did it!!! She is awake and has an important message for me! This is why I have solved all these puzzles, searched all the rooms and stayed awake until my eyes felt like they were going to jump out of my head. I press my face even closer to the computer screen because I have now lost most of my brain cells and congnitive function. The message from my beloved Briar Rose:
Thank you for awakening me. But you must hurry and find the Frog Prince before the curse floods the entire kingdom and kills us all!!
Awwww...hell no. I did my job...those bastards can fend for themselves .Looking over at the dog who is even more annoyed with me than before, I shut the lid of my computer. My husband, now awake and ready for work gives me a funny look as he finds me still awake and trying to apologize to a dog.
I peer at him through bloodshot eyes. My hair is standing on end from running my fingers through it in frustration. My hands are shaking from the constant infusion of coffee and my legs feel like jello.
"Yep. The princess is awake, but the townspeople better learn to swim...fast."
He didn't even bat an eye. That's not even the strangest thing I've said to him this week.